It's Not Easy....

Hello again baseball enthusiast. Hopefully, most of you are starting your seasons soon or maybe like us and have already started your seasons. MLB players have reported for their first full squad workouts and will be starting games soon. Here in the south we have started tournaments after about six weeks of practices. It feels good to be back and hopefully we will have a normal season without the Covid interruption of last year.

One of the biggest thoughts I had after last weekend was just how difficult it is to coach your own child. I know many of us do it, and by no means is this a complaint, but it’s for sure not easy. We have to balance our emotions as parent vs. the logic, strategy, and reality of what is best for our child as a player and what is best for the team. So many times all of those things conflict.

Let me give you a personal example. My son, Ryan, started pitching the first game of the season this year. In years past, 99% of the time, I would be the one that would go down and warm him up in the bullpen by either catching his pen or at least be there to monitor and direct it. But this year he’s 12 and as he gets older I don’t want him to rely on “dad” or at the very least be able to rely on a different “coach” to make sure he gets ready and is prepared for the game. So, this year, I consciously made the decision to not go down to the bullpen with him. I sent him instructions on what I expected and sent him on the way as I tended to get the infielders warm.

Here are where all of those “conflicts” come in that make it a difficult decision though. First, Ryan threw the ball well (especially given it was about 38 degrees at time of first pitch) but he was constantly up in the zone, not finishing his pitches. When I talked to him after the game, he mentioned to me that he was up during his warmup in the bullpen as well. My first thought was “dang, had I been down there, I could have recognized what was wrong and helped him make an adjustment in the bullpen”. At that point my mind starts bouncing back and forth though… “but he needs to recognize that and adjust on his own, that’s why I don’t want to be there”… “but that’s selfish, it could have hurt the team if he got into trouble early and we got behind” … “but if I would have gone down there, then would one of the other coaches got the infielders prepared like I would have wanted”… and so on and so on I bounced back and forth between what is best for my son and what is best for me as the coach of the team. It’s not easy, I’m still not sure what the “right” answer is but I know it’s not just black and white.

Another difficult decision for the “Dad Coach” is when is the right time to step away and let someone else take over the coaching duties for your child. This is always a difficult decision for dads to make. I’m not the guy who believes that you can’t coach your kid up through high school, as I’ve seen too many players who played HS baseball for their dad go on to be successful at the college or even pro level. For me it’s not about that at all – there are plenty of examples of kids playing for their dad in college in all sports, not just baseball, so there is more to it.

The true determination, I think, has to be focused on a couple of things. Number one, it has to be “healthy” for both you and your son. One cannot be damaging the other. You have to be able to balance the emotions that come with being your child’s coach and being their dad. That’s first and foremost.

The second piece is that you have to be honest with yourself, your son, and the other players and parents on the team in regard to your ability to continue to coach them. At some point, most, if not all of us, will be passed up by our children. What does that mean? What I mean is at some point our kids will hopefully play the game at a level that’s higher than our knowledge of the game and our ability to continue to coach and teach them to prepare them for the next level.

The last thing you should do as a coach is limit the ability to advance your players to the next level. We all have limitations, I’ve coached the game up through high school and even some college level, so my ability to understand the nuances of the game, the strategies, the technical aspects, etc. should allow me to coach up until that age. I also continue to be a lifelong learner of the game. I attend Division I programs practices and listen and learn the game from those coaches. I’m a member of the ABCA coach’s association and I’ve attended their coaching convention for the past three years in an effort to learn more and keep up with current strategies and coaching techniques. But even I will run into the time where I won’t be able to advance Ryan’s knowledge and skills.

Thing is though, it’s not just about your child when you are the coach of the team. It’s all of the players that you have to take into consideration. We as dad coaches have to be honest with ourselves in regard to our ability to advance ALL of the players knowledge on the team, not just our kid. I understand that’s difficult. I believe most dad coaches enjoy coaching the game because it’s a game they love. They like to be involved because it’s a shared experience with their child, a shared love, a shared passion. One that is very unique in sports and that has been passed on for generations. It’s also sometimes for bad reasons. Reasons like not wanting to give up control, wanting to protect your child’s spot on the team, or in the order, or on the field.

Whatever the reason is you have to be honest with yourself and do the right thing by not only your child and your players, but all of the players. Keep in mind, this was never supposed to be about us, it’s about the young players we are trying to mold. So, we have to put aside or wants, put aside our pride, put aside our personal objectives, and help move the TEAM in the right direction. My time is coming… it won’t be easy, but I won’t get in their way.